Words.

We use them all the time. We use them to make people laugh, or cry. We use them to tell people what we want or need. We use them to share what we think or feel about things. We use them to encourage… we use them to hurt… to build up or tear down.

Words, words, words.

Lately, I’ve seem to have a problem with words. I have found that I am full of many things to say, but I just can’t find the right words to express those things. Now, this could be a good thing or a bad thing. For instance, it’s a good thing I’m not saying what’s on my mind as I read through people’s Facebook statuses (admit it, there is always a temptation to write a snarky remark on someone’s ridiculous status on Facebook!) or on Twitter. It’s good thing that I don’t pull out some colorful language when I’m speaking to (usually stupid) patients on the phone at work. As hard as it is sometimes, I am glad I can hold in those words.

It’s the times when I know I have something to say that needs to be said, yet I can’t form the words to express them. I know I have things that have been put on my heart to share…and it doesn’t matter if I’m speaking them or writing them down, I can’t seem to bring myself to share those words with those around me.

I know part of the problem is that I feel like what I have to say does not have any worth. I have watched myself shy away from talking with groups of people, with friends, with my Bible study group, because I feel like my words have no power or worth to them. Even little things, like my opinion on movies, music, or books are hard for me to voice.

I know the importance of words, and how blessed we are to be able to communicate with each other freely. I know how words can be used – both in good and bad ways – to influence those around us. I am a lover of words. I am an avid book reader. Words move me to laughter, to anger, to tears, to joy. They fill my soul when I am reading them. I know how powerful they are. And I want my words to be used for something good. To bless others. To influence a life. To reach out to others. To share my heart. I want others to be moved by my words.

Why is it so hard to share something that is so close to my heart? Because I’m scared. I don’t like to show my heart very often. It’s hard for me to open up to others. There are few who I have drawn close to, those that have seen glimpses of my heart, but I’ve never fully shared my soul with another person. But I wish I could! I wish I could say the things that are dear to me… the things that bless me and bring me joy. I wish I was brave enough to share the words the Lord has put on my heart… The things He has revealed to me.

The Lord has given me this heart for a reason. My love of words… my love of music… and the passion I feel about it is from HIM. I shouldn’t be holding that in. I should be freely sharing it with those around me. It’s something precious He has seen fit to give to me. Why would I want to hide that precious gift away? Sometime my hearts just aches to be seen…to be shared. I know that is the Lord nudging me, pushing me to share what he has given me to share. And most of the time I ignore it… because I’m too afraid.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to face the Lord at the end and have him say, “Look at all those times I gave you something sweet, and you did nothing with it.”. That thought crushes my soul! I don’t want to be the servant that hid his treasure and did nothing with it. (Matthew 25:14-30) I want to share that treasure… I want it to grow and multiply… I want it to be used.